Twilight Review, continued

Yep. I’d been warned about this. Vampires, in Stephenie Meyers’ vision of them… don’t go out on sunny days because… they sparkle. And are far too beautiful to look at. And of course they are good at everything they do, from running to playing the piano. To baseball. Yes. Vampires play baseball. And nobody so much as snickers. Bella does the mildest double-take but… come on- vampires? Baseball? I think Bella’s been drugged. Because of her utter failure to fall down laughing!

Everyone’s so earnest and brooding. Edward, so very tragic and fraught with his love/appetite for Bella (it’s like falling in love with a cheeseburger!) to Bella, who embarrasses me every time she swoons around Edward. Which appears to be every time they kiss. How very 19th century.
I will say this- descriptions of the natural scenery in Washington state, especially the parks, are beautifully written, misty and green.

I am irked because there are no opportunities for smirking humor, or even camp. I’m drawing unfair comparisons to Joss Whedon’s vision of vampires. In fact, the aforementioned glittery sparkly vampire is making me think of the Angel in alternate universe episodes: “See how much fire I’m not on?” Edward doesn’t play anything for laughs. We have to be told, by the narrator, that he’s making a joke. And he’s not scary either, much to his frustration re: Bella’s failure to run away. It’s all so very earnest and hand-to-forehead mockably tragic.

I can’t decide whether I’m going to see the movie. I think I’ll wait for cable. Although- I’d love to know how the music for the movie is. As “Buffy” proved, there’s a lot of great opportunities for good rock and roll where vampires are concerned. Though, in this case, the soundtrack for mist and earnest swooning is probably heavy on strings in a minor key, rather than gleeful rambunctious vampy rock.

The notion of “fanpires” and the Beatlemaniacal obsessed swooning going on over Edward bothers me. It’s not constructive for young girls to fixate on this swoony, earnest, super-beautiful couple, where the girl has no spine whatsoever, and the guy is, well, perfect and dead. I feel that The Pussycat Dolls are a similar example of unhealthy female role models, but at least they embrace their camp, instead of being so painfully earnest.

Yes, I just compared “Twilight” to the Pussycat Dolls. Even if I get nothing else accomplished today, I feel this has made my day successful.